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As the concept of emotional intelligence (EI) has gone global, we’ve watched professionals fail as they try to improve their emotional intelligence because they either don’t know where to focus their efforts or they haven’t understood how to improve these skills on a practical level. In our work consulting with companies and coaching leaders, we have found that if you’re looking to develop particular EI strengths, it helps to consider areas for improvement others have identified along with the goals you want to achieve----and then to actively build habits in those areas rather than simply relying on understanding them conceptually.

The first step is to get a sense of how your self-perception (how you see yourself) differs from your reputation (how others see you).

This is especially true for the development of emotional intelligence because we can be blind to how we express and read the emotional components of our interactions. For example, most of us think that we’re good listeners, but very often that’s really not the case. Without this external reality check, it will be difficult for you to identify the ways that your actions affect your performance. Getting feedback from others can also provide proof of the necessity of shifting our behavior and motivation to do so.

To give you the best sense of where the differences lie between your self-perception and reputation, you should use a 360-drgree feedback assessment that takes into account the multiple facets of EI. The key is to find one that guarantees confidentiality to those giving you feedback and that is focused on development and not on performance assessment.

Secondly, when you get your feedback from an assessment, let that inform what you want to improve. But also consider what your goals are. When it comes to cultivating strengths in emotional intelligence, you’re at a huge disadvantage if you’re only interested because others said you should be. Your emotional intelligence is so tied up in hour sense of self that being intrinsically(内在的) motivated to make the effort matters more when changing longstanding habits than it does when simply learning a skill.

That means the areas that you choose to actively work on should lie at the intersection of the feedback you’ve gotten and the areas that are most important to your own aspirations(渴望). Understanding the impacts of your current EI habits relative to your goals will keep you going over the long haul as you do the work of strengthening your emotional intelligence.

Once you’ve determined which EI skills you want to focus on, identify specific actions that you’ll take. If you’re working on becoming a better listener, for example, you might decide that when you’re conversing with someone you’ll take the time to pause, listen to what they have to say, and check that you understand before you reply. Keep it specific. You should also take every naturally occurring opportunity to practice the skill you’re developing, no matter how small.

By starting to change your routine reactions, you’ll be well on your way to figuring out the old habits that aren’t serving you well and transforming them into new, improved ones that do.

Passage outline

Supporting details

Introduction

Though globally acknowledged, EI still 1. professionals, for they aren’t aware of how to improve it.

Approaches to strengthening EI

Spot the 2. between self-perception and reputation

●With external reality check, we are 3. of understanding our interactions accurately.

●We are 4. to change our behavior by getting an outside feedback.

●We are expected to 5. how self-perception differs from reputation in all aspects.

Find out what 6. to us

We should clearly 7. our goals and focus our effort on improving ourselves instead of just learning a skill.

8. the outside feedback with our goals can give us support on the way to strengthening our EI.

Identify what changes we will make

Be 9.about the actions and take advantage of every possible opportunity to practice EI skills.

Summary

10. useless old habits and develop new ones in areas for improvement others have identified with your own goals to strengthen your EI.

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