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How to live with someone in chronic pain?

Do you know that 100 million people in the United States suffer with chronic(慢性的)pain? Living with someone in chronic pain can be demanding at times because the person doesn't feel well and wants your help to feel better. Yet you are powerless to do much about stopping their pain. As a result, much of the relationship can become focused on pain which is depressing for both of you. But people in pain need emotional support. They need to know that you understand their feelings. So, express it in your words and show it by your presence.

Now, realize, there is a fine line between helping and hurting when talking with people in chronic pain. You help by encourage pain free talk, by focusing on tfie positives of your relationship and other aspects of the person's life. Instead of asking, “How is your pain today?" ask, “How is your day going?" Then, focus on what is going right or is positive despite the pain. This isn't ignoring the reality of their pain, rather focusing away from the pain. Constant conversations about pain increase pain. The more attention you give pain, the more it multiplies pain.

The more you do things for the person in pain, the more likely they are to become disabled by their pain. For example, if your partner can move, get up or get their own drink, let them. Even if it takes a while to accomplish something, movement is good for chronic pain. The goal is not to do things they can do for themselves. Otherwise, you are enabling sick behavior. Therefore, encourage, but don't enable! You don’t want anyone's identity to be developed around the pain.

Remember, chronic pain has caused your partner to limit his behavior and not do the things he used to do. He is dealing with loss and has to find a new normal. Talk about what can be done to improve functioning despite the pain. You may have to get creative! Can you throw a ball to the grandkids sitting down? Maybe you can find a more comfortable position for closeness.

Finally, do all you can to help him remain social even though the pain may lead to a cancellation with friends now and then. When that happens, you are supposed to keep inviting him to gatherings as he wants to remain active and involved. The worse thing a person in pain can do is get separated from others. Not only will they become depressed but it is much easier to lose hope. And there is so much you can do to improve functioning and get on with your life.

In sum, chronic pain can cause relationship tension, but a focus on small things that turn down the volume on pain and improve your day to day functioning will help your relationships.

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How to Think Outside the Box with Creativity Exercises

Encouraging creative thinking inspires students to ask questions, try new things and apply ideas to practical situations. Use individual and group based activities to open the door to innovation and build individual confidence. Incorporate creativity activities into everyday subject matter like English, science and art. The result will be increased interest in learning and the opportunity for each student to believe in her power to be creative in a variety of situations. Three creativity exercises are suggested as follows.

Use a mind-mapping exercise to help students overcome mind blocks to creativity.

Joyce Wycoff, author of the book “Mindmapping,” explains that a mind map encourages creativity by stimulating the brain to think in different patterns. Put a concept in the center of a large piece of paper and have your students surround the paper, each holding a marker. Ask them to brainstorm ideas and write them as offshoots (分支) to the concept. Have them add images and draw connections between ideas. You can use this to help them create a project, study for tests or organize a research paper.

Play a game of charades to empower students to use their minds and bodies to help their team win the game.

Select words that apply to a new topic you wish to introduce to the class. For example, if you want to discuss the history of your state, pick words that illustrate historical events your class will study. Divide the class into teams and ask volunteers to act out the words. Have students guess what the words are, and write the words on the board after students guess them correctly so they can see a complete list at the end of the game. Go back and forth between teams until all words have been used. When the game is over, ask the class to guess what the words have in common.

Invigorate (鼓舞) your students and stimulate creative thinking by facilitating a sentence relay race.

The goal of the race is to see which team can compose a sentence on a given subject. Begin by taping large pieces of paper to the wall and line up student teams about 5 feet from the wall. Give the teams one marker and a subject for the sentence. Tell them the object of the race is to build a sentence, one word at a time. The first student in each team will begin the sentence with a word. He will then run the marker to the next teammate and continue the process until each student has added a word to the sentence. The sentence relay will encourage quick thinking and stimulate creativity. Use the race to introduce a social studies concept or to reinforce the plot of a story for English class.

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How to Build Confidence

Everybody in this world wants to be rich and successful. But, the big question is HOW? How can you turn yourself into a popular personality?

Well, you need to have confidence. Confidence is the feeling of certainty and trusting in one’s own ability.

Start your journey to become successful by following these seven confidence-building steps.

Recognize what makes you feel inferior -- Let’s accept the fact that no one in this world is perfect. Everyone has some shortcomings and it is natural. So, if there is something that makes you feel ashamed of yourself just make a note of it. Instead of being upset over your shortcomings, you need to figure out ways to overcome them.

Dress smartly and look more attractive -- Yes, you are right that a person should be beautiful at heart but you ought to work on your looks too. You might have not realized but dressing up nicely can increase your confidence. Work hard to improve your looks and you will definitely notice a positive change in your personally.

Don’t worry about what others say -- Those who think about others car never succeed in their lives. So, if you really wish to increase your confidence levels, stop thinking about the world right away. Have faith in your capabilities and show the world that you are a leader. And just in case you are afraid of criticism, your dream of becoming successful person will always remain a dream.

Stay happy – Happiness plays an important part in a successful life. So, try to find out what makes you happy and keep yourself involved in those activities only.

Be a curious learner -- Learning is part of our life. It is a continuous process which lasts till the last breath. Knowledge not only makes you superior but enriches your personality altogether.

Express yourself -- There are many people who don’t express their feelings and opinions at all just because they are afraid of being laughed at. Well, don’t be afraid and express yourself wherever possible, it will make people realize your presence and you may get the response. So, the next time you have something on your mind, say it aloud.

Self esteem and confidence are some of the most important things you need to be successful in life.

How to become 1.

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How Hard Is It to Become an Expert at Something

Expertise is what separates the amateur from the true master in almost any field, from medicine to science, sports or artistic performance. What exactly is expertise? Is it about how much you know? Is it about being able to perform an action well? “Expertise is generally defined as peak, or exceptionally high levels of performance on a particular task or within a given field,” explained researcher Lyle E. Bourne, Jr. of the University of Colorado Boulder and his colleagues. “One who achieves this status is called an expert, or some related terms, such as master, or genius. These terms are meant to label someone whose performance is at the top of the game?'

Some of the critical components of expertise are knowledge, skill, and achievement. People who become experts tend to acquire a body of knowledge that makes them one of the most informed individuals in their field. They also possess the skills that they need to determine when and how to use their knowledge. Such skills are often learned, but they can also be influenced by natural talent and ability. Finally, people who possess expertise also tend to excel in their field and achieve far above and beyond what the average person does.

Can anyone become an expert? Anders Ericsson of the University of Florida, a world-famous expert on peak performance, believes that what separates the amateur from the expert is what is referred to as deliberate practice. Ordinary practice can help people become skilled at a task, but gaining true expertise involves practicing in a way that pushes the boundaries of current skill levels and knowledge. Such practice is highly concentrated and involves working on things that are outside of your current skill level, setting goals, and receiving training and instruction from a qualified teacher.

So what does it really take to gain true expertise? Firstly, it takes work. People who become experts in any field spend a tremendous amount of time, energy, and hard work on learning. Secondly, it takes deliberate practice. The more you practice, the better you will perform in your area of interest. Finally, it takes continuous challenges. Practice is essential for developing a skill, but becoming an expert requires constantly challenging yourself to do better, learn more, and acquire new knowledge and skills. Simply practising the same skills over and over again will make you better in those areas, but it won't lead to true expertise. Even if you become very good at a skill within a particular field, this doesn't mean that even greater expertise is out of reach. More learning, more knowledge, and better performance arc still possible with further challenges and practice.

Researchers continue to debate exactly what it takes to become an expert, There is no doubt, however, that it requires time, practice, and commitment.

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Imagine living in a country torn by war. Or maybe you live in a place where there are few jobs and little chance to earn a living. Your family decides to move — not to another town, but to another country. You and your family have become immigrants. People are called immigrants when they move to a foreign country to make their homes.

People become immigrants for many reasons. The most common one is economic opportunities. Most immigrants are attracted to other countries by the promise of jobs, farmland, or business opportunities.

Other people become immigrants in order to get away from mistreatment or natural disasters. They are refugees. Some refugees move to avoid wars and political unrest. Others are seeking freedom to express their religious views. Still others are uprooted by disasters, such as terrible flooding or drought.

Some people have become immigrants against their will. Captured in Africa, shipped to foreign lands and forced to work as slaves, many early African immigrants to North and South America came in chains.

Except for Native Americans, all people came to the United States from someplace else.　 For nearly 500 years, immigrants have landed on America’s shores seeking a better life. Throughout American history, immigrants often worked low-paying, dangerous jobs that other people refused to do.

Immigrants from around the world helped shape American life. Many immigrants absorbed the customs and language common to most Americans. They also brought their own traditions, including music and foods. Over time, many of these traditions have become part of American life.

The first European immigrants to America hoped to colonize new lands. By the mid-1500s, Spaniards had ventured into Florida, California, and the American Southwest. French immigrants arrived in the early 1600s and built their first colony in Canada. The English also arrived in the early 1600s. They established 13 colonies along America’s Atlantic Coast.

In the 1700s, England became the major power in colonial North America. But many European immigrants came to live in the English colonies. They included people from Sweden, Holland, Germany, Scotland, and Ireland.

Immigrants still come to the United States seeking freedom and economic opportunities.　 Most new immigrants no longer come from Europe. They come mainly from Central and South America, the Caribbean, and Asia.

Today, the U.S. government limits the number of immigrants into the country each year.　 People who sneak illegally into the United States are called illegal immigrants, who, if caught, would be sent back to their home countries.

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How to raise a sweet boy in an era of anger

Hours after I gave birth to my first child,my husband held our five-pound boy in his arms and said,gently,"Hi,Sweet pea."Not“＂Buddy”or"Little Man."Sweet pea.The word filled me with unexpected comfort.Like most parents,we knew what we'd name our son but never discussed how we'd speak to him.I was witnessing my husband's commitment to raising a sweet boy.

Because this is what the world needs now,urgently:sweet boys and people who grow them.

There are so many angry men among us.There are angry women,too,but they're only beginning to claim this emotion that has long been denied them.Women 's public anger is the kind of anger that gives girls voices,such as MeToo.But men 's anger tries to shut down the voices of others.Today's angriest women encourage people to solve a problem;today's angriest men murder.

A man uses his car to murder an anti-Nazi protester.A man shoots a congressman at his baseball practice.A man commits mass murder at a Vegas concert.A man kills a large number of worshipers in their church...

The world has turned so upside down that it is impossible for a man to display his vulnerability(脆弱）。Walk into any baby store,and you can see clothes for newborns declare, ＂TOUGH LIKE DADDY”＂。They don't receive explicit encouragement to fully access their emotions.Boys have always known they could do anything;all they had to do was look around at their presidents,religious leaders,professional athletes,at the statues that stand erect in big cities and small.Girls have always known they were allowed to feel anything- except anger.Now girls,led by women,are being told they can own righteous anger.Now they can feel what they want and be what they want.

What about boys?The boy taught from infancy to be tough still seems emotionally doomed.It's time to change.

We don't need to raise kids with gender neutrality or deny natural differences between boys and girls.We do need to recognize that children,regardless of gender,have natural sweetness that we,as a society,would do well to develop and preserve.

Sweet boys grow up to be men who recognize the strength in being vulnerable and sympathetic.Sweet boys are children who've been given,by their parents and wider society, the permission to feel everything and to express those emotions without shame.

At a young age,this should be done explicitly,in organized discussions at school.It must be done all the time in our family homes.Parents must invite their sons to be sad, afraid,hurt,silly and affectionate,and must embrace them as often as they hug and kiss their daughters.Sweet boys learn early on that they can defend themselves against loneliness by reaching out and asking for support rather than turning into people who, literally,grab for power.Sweet boys evolve into open-hearted men who aren't confused about consent and sexual boundaries,because they experience women as equals.Boys will not be merely boys.If we let them,boys will be human.

How to raise a sweet boy in an era of anger

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The Age of Envy: How to Be Happy When Everyone Else's Life Looks Perfect

We live in the age of envy. Career envy, kitchen envy, children envy, food envy, upper ay envy, holiday envy. You name it, there's an envy for it. Human beings have always felt what Aristotle defined in the 4th century BC as pain at the sight of another's good fortune, stirred by the feeling of ''those who have what we ought to have''.

But with social media, says Ethan Kross, professor of psychology at the University of Michigan, ''envy is being taken to an extreme. '' We are constantly bombarded by ''photoshopped lives, '' he says, ''and that exerts a toll on us the likes of which we have never experienced in the history of our species. ''

Clinical psychological Rachel Andrew says she is seeing more and more envy in her consulting room, from people who ''can't achieve the lifestyle they want but which they see others have. '' Our use of platforms including Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Snapchat, she says, amplifies (放大) this deeply disturbing psychological discord (失调), ''I think what social media has done is make everyone accessible for comparison, '' she explains. ''In the past, people might have just envied their neighbors, but now we can compare ourselves with everyone across the world. ''

And those comparisons are now much less realistic. Andrew has observed among her patients that knowing they are looking at an edited version of reality is no defense against the emotional force of envy. ''What I notice is that most of us can intellectualize what we see on social media platforms—we know that these images and narratives that are presented aren't real, we can talk about it and rationalize it—but on an emotional level, it's still pushing buttons. If those images or narratives tap into what we aspire to, but what we don't have, then it becomes very powerful. ''

According to Dryden, a cognitive behavioral therapist, when it comes to the kind of envy inspired by social media, there are two factors that make a person more vulnerable (易受伤害的): low self-esteem and deprivation intolerance, which describes the experience of being unable to bear not getting what you want. To overcome this, he says, think about what you would teach a child. The aim is to develop a philosophy, a way of being in the world, which allows you to recognize when someone else has something that you want but don't have, and also to recognize that you can survive without it, and that not having it does not make you less worthy or less of a person.

We could also try to change the way we habitually use social media. Kross explains that most the time, People use Facebook passively and just idly, lazily reading instead of posting, messaging or commenting. ''That is interesting when you realize it is the passive usage that is supposed to be more harmful than the active. The links between passive usage and feeling worse are very robust—we have huge data sets involving tens of thousands of people, he says. While it is less clear how active usage affects well-being, there does seem to be a small positive link, he explains, between using Facebook to connect with others and feeling better.

Dryden differentiates between unhealthy envy and its healthy forms, which, he says, ''can be creative. '' Just as hunger tells us we need to eat, the feeling of envy, if we can listen to it in the right way, could show us what is missing from our lives that really matters to us, Kross explains. Andrew says, ''It is about naming it as an emotion, knowing how it feels, and then not interpreting it as a positive or a negative, but trying to understand what it is telling you that you want. If that is achievable, you could take proper steps towards achieving it. But at the same time, ask yourself, what would be good enough? ''

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Make the most of networking opportunities

Get to those networking events and talk, talk, talk. “There is value in every conversation you have, you never know where your next piece of work may come from. Changing the mindset to professionalism and saying, ‘I am a graphic designer’ rather than ‘I am a graduate’ is very important, ” says Lydia Wakefield, education and training manager at the Association of Independent Professionals and the Self­Employed.

Know your worth

It's hard to persuade people to pay for your work if you're willing to give it away. “Value your worth from the beginning. A lot of people feel the pressure to work nothing or charge a really low rate if they've been studying. Clients are willing to pay for the quality of the work that you do, ” says Wakefield.

Set up with the tools to get paid

Register for self­assessment and file those tax returns. “Make sure you have contracts and invoice templates(发票模板) in place, ” says Wakefield. It doesn't hurt to get some advice from a professional, says Jeff Skinner, of the Institute of Innovation and Entrepreneurship at the London Business School. “Find an accountant or someone doing something similar and ask them for commercial advice, ” he says.

Manage expectations

Know the limits to your capabilities. “You can feel the need to say yes to every project. Have a self­awareness of how much work you can take on at any time and manage expectations, ” says Wakefield.

Build resilience (韧性)

Wakefield highlights the importance of having a thick skin. “If you get a no, don't take it to heart. Keep going, you will find your next client, ” she says, “ask for feedback, you can always use it for testimonial.” And, remember that you're not alone. “It really is emotional highs and lows for any entrepreneur in early stages. But you're in a network with other people on the same journey as you, ” says Skinner.

Tips for New Graduates Who Want to Be Their Own 1.

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Emotions are “the glue” that connects people to one another. They are the foundation of your ability to understand yourself and relate to others. When you are aware of your emotions, you can manage stress and communicate well with others. Without emotions and awareness of them, it’s impossible to build or maintain strong, healthy relationships. The more aware you are of your own emotions, the easier it will be for you to pick up on what others are feeling and accurately read their wants and needs.

Although emotional awareness is so important, many people remain relatively unaware of their main emotional experience. In order to know your level of emotional awareness, ask yourself the following questions. If you answer no, you may need to work on raising your emotional awareness — Can you tolerate strong feelings, such as anger and sadness? Do you feel your emotions in your body? Are you comfortable with all of your emotions? Do you pay attention to your emotions and avoid them guiding your decisions?

Raising your emotional awareness begins with managing stress. The ability to quickly reduce stress allows you to safely face strong emotions, regulate your feelings and behave properly. Also, the process of raising emotional awareness involves reconnecting with all of the main emotions, including anger, sadness, fear, disgust, surprise, and joy. So get back in touch with your emotions and feelings. Another key to raising emotional awareness is practice. Like building muscles in a gym, you wouldn’t expect to be bodybuilder after just five minutes. The more consistently you practice, the greater changes you’ll experience in what you feel, think, and so.

We are all born with a capacity to freely experience the full range of human emotions — joy, anger, sadness, and fear. Yet many people are trying to avoid them rather than experience them. If you avoid emotions, you will lose the good ones, along with the bad ones. Either you fell your emotions or you don’t. When you shut down negative feelings like anger, fear, or sadness, you also shut down your ability to experience positive feelings such as joy, love and happiness. You can change or turn a blind eye to your emotions, but you can’t get rid of them entirely. Moreover, it will totally wear you out, because avoiding emotional experiences usually takes a lot of energy. What’s more, it damages your relationships. The more you distance yourself from your feelings, the more distant you become from others. You lose the ability to build strong relationships and communicate effectively, both of which depend on being in touch with your emotions.

Emotional Awareness

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How we look and how we appear to others probably worries us more when we are in our teens or early twenties than at any other time in our life. Few of us are content to accept ourselves as we are, and few are brave enough to ignore the trends of fashion.

Most fashion magazines or TV advertisements try to persuade us that we should dress in a certain way or behave in a certain manner. If we do, they tell us, we will be able to meet new people with confidence and deal with every situation confidently and without embarrassment. Changing fashion, of course, does not apply just to dress. A barber today does not cut a boy’s hair in the same way as he used to, and girls do not make up in the same way as their mothers and grandmothers did. The advertisers show us the latest fashionable styles and we are constantly under pressure to follow the fashion in case our friends think we are odd or dull.

What causes fashions to change? Sometimes convenience or practical necessity or just the fancy of an influential person can establish a fashion. Take hats for example. In cold climates, early buildings were cold inside, so people wore hats indoors as well as outside. In recent times, the late President Kennedy caused a depression in the American hat industry by not wearing hats, and more American men followed his example.

There is also a cyclical(周期性的) pattern in fashion. In the 1920s in Europe and America, short skirts became fashionable. After World War II, they dropped to ankle length. Then they got shorter and shorter until the miniskirt was in fashion. After a few more years, skirts became longer again.

Today, society is much freer and easier than it used to be. It is no longer necessary to dress like everyone else. Within reason, you can dress as you like or do your hair the way you like instead of the way you should because it is the fashion. The popularity of jeans and the “untidy” look seems to be a reaction against the increasingly expensive fashion of the top fashion houses.

At the same time, appearance is still important in certain circumstances and then we must choose our clothes carefully. It would be foolish to go to an interview for a job in a law firm wearing jeans and a sweater, and it would be discourteous(失礼的) to visit some distinguished scholar looking as if we were going to the beach or a night club. However, you need never feel depressed if you don’t look like the latest fashion photo. Look around you and you’ll see that no one else does either!

Fashion Change

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