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In the course of researching my book, I asked people on five continents, “Who listens to you?” and the response was usually a long, awkward pause. Even those who were married and claimed vast networks of friends struggled to come up with someone who they felt truly listened to them.

It's fueling what public health officials are calling a worldwide epidemic of loneliness, which increases the risk of dying young. Indeed, studies link loneliness with heart disease, stroke, dementia and poor immune function.

To fight loneliness people are told to “Get out there! Join a club, take up a sport, volunteer, or invite people to dinner.” How do you connect with people once you're “out there” and “face-to-face”? Truly listening to someone is a skill many seem to have forgotten or perhaps never learned in the first place.

Listening goes beyond hearing what people say. It's also paying attention to how they say it and what they do while they are saying it, in what context, and how what they say resonates within you.

Listening is not about simply holding your peace while someone else holds forth. Quite the opposite. A lot of listening has to do with how you respond-the degree to which you elicit clear expression of another 's thoughts and, in the process, express your own clearly. It starts with an openness and willingness to follow another person's story without presumption or getting sidetracked by what's going on in your own head.

Good listeners ask good questions. Everyone is interesting if you ask the right questions. If someone seems dull or uninteresting, it's on you. Good questions don't have a hidden agenda of fixing, saving, advising, convincing or correcting. They don't begin with “Don't you think...?”or “Wouldn't you agree…?” and they definitely don't end with "Right?" The idea is to find out more about the speaker's point of view, not to influence it.

Also avoid asking appraising questions like “What do you do for a living?” and “What part of town do you live in?” and “Are you married?” These are not honest attempts to get to know people so much as rank them in the social hierarchy. It makes people strongly defensive and is likely to reduce the conversation to a CV recitation.

Instead, ask expansive questions such as, “What's the best gift you ever received?” and “If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?” Listening to people in this way is also essential to reaching compromise. You might not agree with them, but you gain understanding about their background and influences.

Listening is a skill and, like any skill, it degrades if you don't do it enough. The more people you listen to, the more aspects of humanity you will recognize and the better your judgments. To listen poorly, selectively, or not at all, will stop you from having a better understanding of the world.

Passage outline

Supporting details

Introduction

◇People today find it hard to have a true1..

◇ It can increase loneliness,which probably causes an2.death.

◇People are advised to be actively3.in various social activities and truly listen to each other.

How to listen

4.on the speaker as well as what is being said.

◇Follow another person's story5.without presumption and distraction.

◇Ask good questions meant to6.the speaker's point of view.

◇Avoid asking appraising questions that will make people quite7.to have an open and deep conversation.

◇Listen to people by asking expansive questions to8.gaps and find common ground.

Summary

◇Listening is a skill that needs constant9.

◇Good listening will improve our judgments,while poor listening will 10. our understanding of the world.

高三英语任务型阅读中等难度题

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